It looks like the calendar is showing that the next Knick season is just a few days away. All the NBA previews are up and running, and not surprisingly, each Knick preview reads as if it was an excruciating one to write. I guess this is what the Knicks have become: just another spectacularly mediocre bottom feeder team to cover.
I never thought I’d live to see the day the Knicks became the Hawks, but the media is sure making us think that. Still, we owe it to ourselves to get at least some coverage. So sit back, and read this during your lunch break. Instead of another uninspired season preview, let’s just skip that an orientate ourselves with this year’s roster. And remember this- If the Colorado Rockies can make it to the World Series, then maybe the team with the highest payroll in the NBA can at least give us fans a playoff birth this year. I think we deserve it.
This years Cast of Characters that matter: (In no order)
Joe Camel. (Google image search on Joe Camel and you’ll figure out who this is)
Despite all the controversy his career began with last year, he proved that Isiah unquestionably has an eye for talent. Though I still think many of us will forever contrast his career with Marcus Williams for years and years to come, he does have an important role on this team. He’s Jerome Williams all over again, and that’s exactly the kind of players it takes to help rebuild a franchise.
Malik Rose.
This year’s winner of Knicks “Survivor”, Malik will probably not say a peep about playing time this season. He knows he’s lucky to be here. For the entire pre-season, he’s had that same look that the Muslim guy from “Crash” had after he realized his gun had blanks when he fired at that little girl. He’s in the Herb Williams mode of his career, so only expect to see him during garbage time, or when Curry racks 4 fouls by 2nd quarter. (Which might mean we do have a few more Malik sightings than anticipated, as preseason is already proving.) No word on when Herb Williams will start training Malik to hold the infamous clipboard.
Stephon.
Somehow this guy always manages to find himself in the papers always for the most bizarrest of circumstances. Rule of thumb, anytime a professional athlete says he’s ready to play in Europe, winning a championship is not that big of a deal to him, and that he’s found a higher purpose in life, just pack his bags in advance before he mails in the rest of his bloated contract’s career. Still there’s a large segment of Knick fans that seem to worship him for some reason, while the other half look at him as the walking talking symbol of Isiah Thomas’ legacy in NY. Talk about a lightning rod. And speaking of rods, he and A-Rod really should get together. Just imagine the field day the NY Post could have with those two in the same article.
James.
If I waste anything more than a sentence on this piece of crap, I’ve been robbed.
Fred Jones.
It’s been well documented how big of an Allan Houston supporter I am, and there was no way Allan would have been able to match the minutes Jones put in during the preseason.
I think I speak for everyone what I ask, is this same dude from the dunk contest? Apparently he was a part of the Zach trade. He really came out of nowhere, but no one is complaining. Especially after the way he has played thus far. He might put a damper on Mardy Collins’ progression though. We’ll see what happens.
Curry.
No sane NBA fan will ever get him confused with Dwight Howard, but Curry could have easily taken a spot on last year’s All Star team. We saw flashes of a great starting center last year, still, there’s a lot Curry will have to do before he solidifies himself as higher tier player. For every in the paint bucket he sank, there always were those ridiculous sloppy fouls that sent him right back to the bench before crunch time. No “franchise” player should be on the bench as much as Curry is. Still he has seemed to get over all the baggage that he brought with him from Chicago. No one really seems to be concerned about his heart anymore, and Chicago’s draft picks from NY have not been anything to really get upset about. However, Noah can make us all remember about that pretty quickly; so Thomas is not off the hook yet with. Seriously, has there ever been a trade in NBA history that’s lasted longer than the Curry trade? Every few games, this trade tilts in value between Bulls and Knicks.
Zach.
Obviously, the most logical choice for a team in public relations hell, would have to be Z-Bo, right? He is definitely an outstanding talent, but he makes the Knicks makeup more obtuse than complete. Let’s face it, he’s a player that is tailor made for your fantasy team, but don’t expect him to make as big an impact as his numbers make it seem. There’s a quite a few of these “do great on paper and do nothing really to help bring in Ws” players lurking around the league. (One of the biggest examples is a dude in Utah) His presence here will only stunt the growth of Lee, Balkman, and Morris, but then again, it didn’t cost the Knicks much to grab him. At the very least, Frye and Francis will not be missed regardless of how Randolph does in New York.
Randolph Morris.
Jackie Butler; take two!
Mardy.
Number 4 on the Top Ten “Unintentional” You Tube All Stars (You know, thanks to Melo) Mardy finished last season on a very high note. On a team know for having one of the worst defenses in the NBA, Mardy will stand out if he can become a Bruce Bowen like stopper off the bench. At the very least, that right hook to his temple should give him a permanent chip on his shoulder that New Yorkers have always been seduced by. There’s still hope for you in this town Mardy. It’s a shame Melo made him famous though.
Q.
If there’s one player besides Lee who will always been in good standing with the crowd, it’s definitely Q. Is it because white guys feel cool calling him Q-rich? Is it because he was the one player that stood up to Marbury in the locker room 2 seasons ago? Is it because he was slamming Brandy before Spaldings? He’s that guy we knew back in High School who we all thought was the most mellow down to earth cat in class. You know the type, the person that is just so damn chilled out that we wouldn’t be upset if they broke our PSP. That guy became Q-rich.
Lee.
We all love this guy, and that goes without saying. At first we kind of rooted for him just out of the “gotta cheer the goofy new white guy” rule. But it turns out this guy probably has one the higher Hollinger PER ratings in the East. I don’t think any of us saw that coming. Sadly, Lee’s minutes will probably take a hit because of Zach. I also don’t like the fact he’s been outside the paint attempting to shoot jumpers. His game is best in the paint where he belongs to rack up on boards and ever resourceful put backs from Curry’s crappy hook shots. If the Knicks do make a trade this year for one of the big names out there looking for a new team, Lee will be the one player EVERY team will demand to have. Translation = try not to get too attached.
Jamal.
Whether you love him or hate him, he’s our most prolific scorer. He’s the guy in the videogames that we easily drop 50 with and average over 24 a game. The only problem is that he plays the same way on the court as we play him in the games. Wild Jumpers from all over the court, constant 3’s from beyond the arc, and at least 1 circus shot a game is what we just have to learn to accept. It’s his game. Once you give up on hoping Jamal plays like one of the smarter shooting guards in the league, he’s a hell of a lot easier to swallow. Try it with your friends.
Nate.
Too easy to like, and way wayyyy too easy to get under your skin also. Knick fans have two competitive laundry lists of grievances and fun moments just from last season alone. The DDT he gave to JR Smith, the infamous botched dunk in Philly, the series of botched dunks that put America to sleep during the dunk contest, and the buzzer beating 3 are prime examples of each- and this guy is still only in his 3rd season! However, from what he’s shown in pre-season so far, he’s making a case to permanently put Steph on the bench. I think a part of us would love to see him take a season off to play in the NFL, just so we can see his ridiculous Touchdown dances. Look for an alpha dog battle with him and Steph coming soon to a Garden near you, if Steph shows a pulse that is.
Jeffries.
Remember when the Knicks got off to that bad start last season, and we all said, “Oh don’t worry, its cause Jeffries isn’t suited up”- Like he was some kind of stud or something. Eventually he suited up, and we all saw the reason why Washington probably laughed when Thomas threw the bank at him. Yea, well he’s back for another season. I think the fact he wears number 20 doesn’t help his likeability factor either.
Chandler.
I can’t put too much stock into him. He’s looked really good in preseason games, but its dangerous to measure a rookie during exhibition games. I’m not really sure Isiah will give him playing time, and rightfully so. With a team that should focus on an 8 or 9 man rotation, Chandler might rarely be seen this season. Then again, with injuries already gripping Jeffries and Balkman, Chandler should have a good opportunity to log in some valuable minutes. And speaking of Isiah…
Isiah.
Okay, no more Isiah jokes. There isn’t anything else we can say about this guy that hasn’t been already discussed to a pulp. With him looking visibly winded, and uncharacteristically submissive when speaking to the media, I think we finally got to him. After the constant booing at the beginning of games, the sex suit, the Al Sharpton headed boycott, and being the undisputable worldwide comical figure of failure; it seems as if he is finally giving in to his horrible managerial and professional reputation. Again, no more Isiah jokes. Another season like last year and we may have to put him on a minor suicide watch before the All-Star break. This city loves to run sports villains out of town, and it’s looking like Zeke may be on his out of the NYC, and probably the NBA as well after this 4 year debacle. A Cartoonish payroll, countless publicity disasters, and no Playoff wins will do that to you though. As usual, in Zeke’s defense… On three everyone. READY? Lets all say it together: “But we have David Lee, Nate, Balkman, and a semi all-star in Curry!” Wow! Now that’s a convincing case! 4 MORE YEARS 4 MORE YEARS!!!
Prediction:
Believe it or not, I fully expect the Knicks to make the playoffs this year. Look for the Knicks to battle for an 8th seed all season long with Toronto, Cavs, and Heat. Yes I said the Cavs. Injuries can sabotage any team’s season, and every year there are always 3 teams that lose their prime player for a significant amount of time. It’s for this reason that I believe the Knicks will tread water for many months until one or two respectable teams decided to mail in the rest of the season and hope to tank it bad enough to get a lottery pick. It’s because of the draft format that the NBA will always have a few teams tanking on purpose. Those are usually the teams that are not settled with just cracking the playoffs. In the Knicks case, the franchise is so starving for anything positive, that an 8th seed birth will probably be viewed as a huge accomplishment. Personally, I want more from my favorite team; so it’s nothing that will really impress me. Still, I do expect to see this team in the playoffs. Let’s close out eyes and hope for the best. - RB
