MARCH 28, 2012
Our beloved Knicks are beset by injuries, as A'mare Stoudamire is OUT, sitting tall and talented with a bulging dick.
Speaking of bulging dicks, Carmelo has a groin injury unrelated to Lala's overzealous blowjob regimen,
and may or may not play, and Jeremy Lin has a sore knob, erm... knee.
Sadly, the Giraffe known as Jared Jeffries has been out for the past couple games and will probably
miss another couple weeks. After much berating and belittling for the past few years, the Giraffe has found
his defensive niche within the Knicks lineup, and his presence shall be missed as well.
The New York Knicks are back to .500 with a 25 - 25 record, while the Orlando Magic have a respectable W/L of 32 - 18.
The Magic are 7-3 in their last 10 matchups while the Knicks have won 7 of their last 8 contests
under interim coach Mike Wood Son
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FACT: Magic beat Knicks in January in N.Y. on strength of 17 3-pointers, included a combined 14 by
Ham and Rye Anderson, Homo Turdoglue and J.J. Red Dick.
Magic-Knicks Preview c/o ESPN.GO.COM
The injury bug may have hit the New York Knicks at the wrong time as they cling to the final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference.
With Amare Stoudemire out and Jeremy Lin and Carmelo Anthony questionable to play Wednesday night, New York hosts the surging Orlando Magic, who have won seven of the last eight meetings.
Stoudemire is out indefinitely with a bulging disk, and Lin may miss a second consecutive game with a sore left knee. Anthony scored a game-high 28 points in an 89-80 win over Milwaukee on Monday despite a strained right groin, but it's possible the injury could keep him out Wednesday.
Anthony said he felt the need to contribute more without Stoudemire and Lin, and he helped the Knicks (25-25) extend their slim lead over Milwaukee for the last playoff spot.
New York has won seven of eight since interim coach Mike Woodson took over March 14.
"I've just got to step my game up," Anthony said. "We've been winning. As far as scoring the basketball, we really haven't been needing that. It's been pretty much spread out but now with them two guys, there ain't no telling what's the situation with them. So it's just time for me to step my game up in all aspects."
The Knicks have averaged 87.8 points over their last four, but they've won three times while allowing 83.5 points per game in that stretch.
Woodson has helped New York transition from the run-and-gun offense of former coach Mike D'Antoni to a defensive focus, which he said is most important if the Knicks are to contend.
They are allowing an average of 86.0 points under Woodson compared to 96.5 under D'Antoni.
"There are going to be nights where we bust loose and make shots and put up big numbers," Woodson told the team's official website. "What has to be a given has to be our defense. We have to continue to defend and rebound. If we do that, we will put ourselves in position to win games."
New York will have its work cut out against an Orlando team that tied its season high for points in a 117-101 win over Toronto on Monday.
Ryan Anderson hit a career-high eight 3-pointers and finished with 28 points. He fell two points shy of the career-high 30 he scored in a 102-93 win at Madison Square Garden on Jan. 16, when he hit seven 3s.
Dwight Howard scored 23 points and grabbed 10 rebounds Monday for the Magic (32-18), who have won three straight.
"Dwight was dominant inside and they were leaving Ryan open on the perimeter so it was pretty easy to get shots," coach Stan Van Gundy said.
Anderson has hit an NBA-best 143 shots from 3-point range.
"That's amazing," Howard said. "I'm happy for him. We all love the way he's been playing."
Howard scored eight points in the first meeting with the Knicks, ending his string of nine straight double-doubles in the series, during which he averaged 25.4 points and 16.3 rebounds.
Anthony scored 33 points in that game and is averaging 28.6 points lifetime against the Magic -- his best versus any team except the 29.9 he averaged against the Knicks while with Denver.
SUPERMAN comes to NYC!
the biggest and best true Center the NBA has seen in years, will be flying high and dunking hard on the Knicks,
it is up to Tyson Chandler the Man Handler to hold Dwight in check and prevent him from getting offensive
rebounds and dunkathons.
FACT: Howard had just eight points and six turnovers in team's first meeting.
FACT: Dwight's brothers Moe and Curly may be in attendance to promote their new movie!
here are the other Orlando Magicians we've got to look out for:
a sharp shooter and great passer, one of the best euro-to-US imports in the NBA.
he's known to be a florida tornado and can catch fire at any time
JAMIRROR HALF NELSON
a NY-bred point guard has been a Knick killer in the past, swishing 3's like a rooster in a hen house,
filling holes aplenty in quick flashes.
HAM AND RYE ANDERSON
one of the best three-point shooters in the league, the Knicks will need a tough perimeter
defense to prevent Ham and Rye from getting into a triple decker vortex.
JASON RICHARDSON aka JAY DICK
another on and off shooting guard, when the Dick Son is on his game, he is virtually unstoppable,
and is also a threebie threat. JayDick has had problems staying healthy this year, hopefully he won't be 100% tonite.
beware the hound off the bench, ex-Knick and Mike Antoni's love dog
still a piece of sh*t sitting on a bench, Knicks cannot let their guard down against this fecal threat of bad memories.
NEW YORK KNICKERBOCKERS
MIGHTY TYSON CHANDLER - THE MAN HANDLER
The most consistent player on the revitalized Knick squadron, The Mighty Tyson is the true center
Knicks have been missing since Patrick Ewing roamed the MSG paint. His offensive rebounding and tap outs
are a welcome addition to this year's Knicks, and his magnificent slams are known to provide orgasms and
multiple scorgasms to Spike "look at me" Lee. As mentioned, His defensive presence against Dwight Howie will be KEY tonite!
JEREMY speaks in LINguistics
The missing point guard has provided spark and circumstance, and propelled the Knicks to prominence yet again.
With STAT out, and MELO questionable, will we see a return to Linsanity? Jermy has continued being aggressive,
to the point of getting hit in the face almost every game, yet we must complement coach Wood Son
for giving him rest when other coaches would ride him like Secretariat. We predict LIN shall start tonite and
get back into the flow, and tie one on the Magic with his magical forays into the paint.
If Jeremy cannot get off the bench tonite, look forward to another start by:
BARON VON HERNIA
After months of sideline action, the man who was picked to be the interim point guard of the future
has rejoined the Knick ranks, and steadily improved his game, getting back to form, if not back to his youthful legs.
Baron Davis' brief stints show shards of genius playmaking and makes the current Knick bench a Mob Deep in talent.
aka "LALA's LOLLIPOP"
damn that groin! Carmelo groin-gimped off the court after an impressive 28 and 12 versus Buckers.
Lala's boy has played thru ouchies most of the season, and seeing that STAT is down and out, we predict he will
suck it up and start this game. his slow but steady return to form is welcome to the Knick faithful.
we love our man Iman, but we think IMAN the model is sexier.
Shumvpert has been showing flashes of maturation, not chucking threes as much, dishing and swishing
into the paint, and most importantly, being the defensive juggernaut Knicks management hoped he'd be,
at the top of the league in steals, and being an important cog in any Knickerbocker win streak.
Can Landry, son of Mrs. Fields, get past the sophomore wall after the first quarter? sometimes he folds
the laundry better than many shooting guards when he drives to the basket, and is capable of splendid dunks
and passes, and the occasional three, but his production seems to ebb out of the flow deeper into the game.
We want our Laundry clean and consistent!
and the BENCH DYNAMO
the thunder thug, the tattooed wonder slam, one of the most athletic shooting guards in the league,
can rise to challenge Orlando's three point threats with barrages of triples and incredible dunks that would make a porn star blush.
here's JR's equally-tatted girlfriend
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE KNICKS CITY DANCERS 20TH ANNIVERSARY
for providing many mid-game hardons for two decades!
Some eye candy for my fellow KO posters
PLAY BALL! whatever ball you want honey!
and finally, for your pleasure, the daughter of our coach,
Mariah Wood Son
. she gives wood, son. yes she do.
:update: New Knicks Free Agent STAG!
A new PF free agent is being looked by Knicks mgmt.
by the name of STAG (Standing Tall And Green)