Today marks another tragic event in the NBA and sports world, the likes of which we have seen too many this year. Derrick Rose, reigning MVP and one of the best PG's in the league will hang up his sneakers.

After the recent events of Fabrice Muamba and Stylian Petrov, and closer to home the retirement of Portland sensation Brandon Roy, follows yet another heart-breaking loss for the world of professional sport.

Derrick Rose, who missed his last ten games with a groin issue, today announced he has an acute case of minisculbollockitus. The rare disease that causes ones balls to shrivel to the size of raisins and bitch out of over one-third of a shortened season. At least Rose's retirement will be a load off the shoulders of his fantasy owners who can now drop the little *****.